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Teaching Children to Manage Emotions

Children experience many emotions throughout the average day, just as adults do. And just like adults, children who are able to express and manage their emotions have an easier time making and keeping friends, getting along with others, and being successful. Unfortunately, the opposite is true for children who lack these skills. They are more likely to be lonely, have trouble with peers, and have problems behaviorally and academically.

Managing emotions does not happen automatically! It is something children need to learn and practice over time. These tips will help you teach children about emotions and how to manage them.

• Identify and Label Emotions: One of the first steps in managing emotions is learning to accurately identify feelings when they are happening. You can help children label their feelings ("It seems like you are mad right now") and you can model ways to label your own emotions ("I am really happy right now"). Some other opportunities for labeling emotions are talking about the feelings of a character in a book as you read it aloud or in a movie as you are watching it together. While naturally occurring opportunities may provide the best way to teach about emotions, don't try to work on this in the middle of a meltdown! Instead, spend time later reflecting on the incident and labeling the emotions.
• Express Emotions: Once children begin to learn how to name their feelings, they can also learn how to express these emotions in a way that is acceptable to others. Make sure to tell children what it is okay to do (use your words to tell me how you feel) rather than focusing on what not to do (it is not okay to hit when you are angry). This can be very tricky, especially for younger children who are more likely to act on their impulses. Offer children praise when you notice them remembering to use their words. 
• Regulate Emotions: Perhaps the most important aspect of managing emotions is regulating them. Even adults have difficulty with this one! A good way to start is to talk with children and let them know that you are sure they can learn some ways to manage their emotions. Teach children a way of expressing feelings that is acceptable in most settings. For example, in most places it is okay to use your words to tell someone how you feel, but it is usually not okay to hit or kick others. Help the child come up with a list of strategies to use when really strong emotions occur (counting to 10, taking deep breaths from the belly, tightening and relaxing muscles). As children get older, the list can change to include more complex strategies (self-talk, journaling).

Teaching children to manage their feelings can give them a feeling of control over something that often feels uncontrollable. Having that sense of control can help put kids on the path toward self-confidence and independence. As you work with children on managing emotions, be sure to let them know that learning to do this is not easy and adults need practice too. Most importantly, keep practicing together, and it will get easier over time.

Download an abbreviated version of these tips in pdf form.